Favorite Marriage Quote

After almost 42 years of marriage, Dave and I have never stopped trying to make our marriage better. We have adopted the belief that our marriage will be as good as we decide it will be. So we continue to grow a stronger marriage by reading books, collecting inspiring quotes, and being mentored by couples who have gone before us. Here is a quote by Pastor Tim Keller that encourages us to keep our marriage strong and healthy:

“Marriage has the power to set the course of your life as a whole. If your marriage is strong, even if all the circumstances in your life around you are filled with trouble and weakness, it won’t matter. You will be able to move out into the world in strength.” Tim Keller

A strong, healthy marriage is able to withstand the storms of life, the unexpected setbacks, and hardships that will come. A strong, healthy marriage acts like a strong anchor to get you through to the other side of the storm. Dave and have battled financial setbacks, sickness, family issues, and much more, but we have grown stronger through it because we are committed to keeping our marriage healthy and strong.

A Healthy Dose of Empathy

“Love is a many splendored thing” sang Matt Monro way back in 1965! Love is the seasoning in any relationship that makes it sweet, tasteful, and maybe a little spicy! Amy and I are deeply and madly in love with each other, and one of the key ingredients that has keep our love hot is learning from the creator of love – God himself!

In Luke 6, Jesus goes into a long conversation about how to love just about anyone – even someone who you’d consider your enemy. This goes way past simply loving someone who already cares for you and has a close friendship with you.  But the principle that Jesus gives us here is gold: Do to others as you would have them do to you. (Luke 6:31) It is literally called the golden rule which basically says, “treat others the way you want to be treated.”

Here is found a golden truth for marriages: put yourself in your mate’s shoes. It’s called empathy. Not a syrupy, gooey care for them for the purpose of saving face or selfish gain, but an empathy that says, “If I were in their shoes, I would want to be treated in such and such way.”

Best-selling authors Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott wrote a book years ago entitled “Trading Places: The best move you will ever make in your marriage.” The core concept is that "Couples who are stepping on each other's toes should try walking in each other's “shoes.” Trading Places reduces conflict, deepens your commitment, and helps you live as better friends and lovers".

The truth is that when we’re able to have true empathy and put ourselves in our spouse’s shoes, it will infuse the relationship with grace, help us enjoy a longer, more fruitful marriage and it will improve our conversation, intimacy and partnership. The truth is "Nothing works faster than empathy". 

For me as a dude, I am usually focused on what is most effective or what is the most efficient way to get something done. I am also highly task oriented, so I’m focused on just plain getting things done. This mindset for us over the years has been helpful, but also problematic from a relationship standpoint, since I’m often unaware of Amy’s feelings or what her concerns are about a particular situation in our lives together. I have to consciously stop and “back up the bus” to see how I’ve overlooked her thoughts, ideas, concerns or feelings about a certain matter. Many times I’ve found myself asking her, “Honey, what do you think about our budget and saving more money?” or “What are you feeling right now about having guests/relatives over tomorrow night?”

Whether it be financial difficulties, in-law problems, health issues, lack of intimacy or just plain exhaustion, our marriages and relationships can improve quickly and satisfactorily when we practice putting ourselves in our mate’s “shoes” or place.

Try this: When there is tension in the relationship, before trying to get your way or attempt to get your mate to see things your way, stop and physically take off your shoes (or sandals if you’re in a warmer climate) and ask, “What are your feelings on this issue?” Stop and listen and try to put yourself in your mates shoes – trade places with them and empathize with their situation. You’ll be glad you did!

Growing a Joy Filled Marriage

Finances, pressures and work, family, parenting, commutes, personal and health issues, all contribute to the stress that steals joy and life out of our marriages. Stress is inevitable, and life happens, so how can we grow and maintain a joy-filled, happy marriage?

If you have ever done any gardening you know there are no shortcuts to having a beauitful lawn or garden. When you drive by a house that has a beautifully manicured lawn, filled with flowers, tell yourself that you are looking at hard work. Gardens begin with the hard work of digging, planing, and watering, but then have to be continually maintained to keep the weeds out, but its worth it.

Just as we don't expect our gardens to grow beautifully by themselves, so why would we expect our marriages to grow beautifully without the daily work of pulling weeds and planting seeds? Ted Lowe said, "A joyess marriage doesn't typically happen with an explosion, but by erosion.

For Amy and I, what has breathed life into our marriage is scheduling fun times together on a regular basis. After almost 40 years of marriage, fun is not an option, it's a necessity. We can't wait for the big vacation, or the days off to start having fun. We need to be intentional about having fun and laughing together a little everyday and at least once a week. Proverbs 17:22 says it best, "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." Do you need healing in your marriage? Don't wait until you have it all together - go have FUN now. Even if you haven't solved your latest disagreement, go have FUN now. Put in the comments what you love to do as a couple to have fun.